you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize