i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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