why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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