so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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