umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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