I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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