i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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