So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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