Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize