I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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