dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize