so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize