I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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