my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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