i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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