Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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