My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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