I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize