I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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