im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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