i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize