It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize