So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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