Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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