It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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