Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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