and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize