So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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