I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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