The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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