I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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