but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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