I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize