I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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