i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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