Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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