Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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