Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize