so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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