Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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