my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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