Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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