Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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