it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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