I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize