Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She said her name was "party"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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