just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize