Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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