he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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