It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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